Fewer Moving Parts, part ii

I have shaped my faith around 3 influences:

The Bible
My Dad
David Bazan's lyrics

This week has been a Bazan week for sure. This song means much right now:

If you make a reference to some trouble that you know
can it help you keep it under control
or should i really re-consider my reasons for going solo
david burn on by costessput it pretty well
but i put it better....

i still run the show and dont you forget it
so i had to let some go
dont think i dont regret it
because i do and i dont think im better off alone

man i could have, had a big sound
but i love to let my friends down
if you were moving parts
there'd be fewer broken pieces
and every other start requires a brand new thesis

one good friend remarks with a rightfully angry
jesus, do none of us know what to do with you?

i in my pride responded i got news for you, none of you have to cos...

i still run the show and dont you forget it
so i had to let some go
dont think i dont regret it
because i do and i dont think im better off alone

man we could have made a big sound
but i love to let my good friends down

But here is my deepest revelation today.

Dear Family,

I love you. I really do.
But somewhere we lost connection.
It was probably me. It's usually always me.
But seriously, it needs to end. We need to part.
I feel like I am no use....have been no use to eachother.

C. --- You talk so much shit about me and my faith behind my back. I have tried to make myself available to you but you have shunned me. Good job with the 'love' of Christ. You may be in love with a higher love, but is that higher love in you?

E. --- You would take heed from Mr. Bazan. We are like the story of Winners Never Quit. Since we were babies you have tried to spite me with your holiness. Grandma, David didn't pray. LOL. I didn't pay either son. Jesus paid. And I figured that out long ago. My life has been just fine.

L. --- Fuck you. Straight up. You are another shit talker. I have tried to put myself out there, but you are just fucking stupid. I wish I didn't hate you.

B. --- What happened? Was it her? Shit man. I enjoyed our closeness when we were close. But these past few years have been death. I hope you figure out what will make you happy. I hope you become successful. Maybe thats what you need. But I tried so many times to help you and you have said no. I have never tried to be better than you. I just figured it out first. That's all. But even now.... shit man. I am floored. And I even offered my deepest of secrets too you. You could have avoided all of this. Damn, you think I don't know. Well that is too bad man. I do know. I knew. I have been waiting for it and I kept telling you that it could be avoided. But you don't care. Was it her? And whats worse is.... M. knows more than me. DAAAAAMN! Thats cool though. You chose this. I don't judge you. I weep for you. You have no idea the hell that awaits. Not the bible hell. The hell with no flames. Come visit me when you get it. I will still love you. But for now... I must go solo.

S. --- God hates it. It was a fucking vow. But you gave up too I suppose. Its different with you cos I thought you knew I wanted to be there. I did. I still do. But you have others. And thats fine. You will figure it out I suppose. But I hope now you see how the little compromises have led to the turning of your back. I am not judging you either. You break my heart. You may think I compromise. But I don't. I may compromise my pleasures, but I would NEVER compromise my faith. It was an oath before GOD!! GOD!!!!!! My fingers tremble for the curse that awaits. But I love you and I will always. I guess the secular theories put it well, but I put it better.

M. --- Pussy. I told you man. You're a pussy. OATH OATH OATH!!!!!

God heal my broken heart. They will think I hate them, or I am judging them. But I am sad for them. And deeply. I am sad that I had the answers and they ran. What did you teach me for? To save the swine at work? And yet my family drowns. You are a God I will never understand and yet I love you so much because you showed me so long ago.

P. --- I love you both so much. Thank You. You never annoyed me. You never judged me. You always loved me. And you will always love us. And though I wish I could say I have killed myself to keep at least one of the 3 oaths together. I did it for me. Better than not. I want to say I'll be back. But who knows. Right now I know my inheritence awaits there. But they will need it more than me. I denied that curse long ago. They have chosen to swallow that red pill. "Swallow it down just like a pill...." Just retire. Shit. You guys deserve it. We have paid you back with the worst. Sorry.

K. --- Always. ALWAYS. I'll be waiting.

D&D --- Prayers and tithe to you. LOL. Poor you guys. I will enjoy our brief time and I hope that we can serve you some day. But right now it is time to leave. Its just a season. But the last season was so loooooong! So we'll see. Family Camp '09???

T.C.O.M. --- My brothers. I write in tears. Thank you for your love. For the fun times. Those 2 years were some of the best. O. taught me to smile always. There's always a brighter side. Nothing can be that bad. To him, this is exciting. S. taught me to not worry. Nothing is worth being stressed about. Friends can be a million miles away and right there at the same time. To him this was exciting. A. taught me to think outside the box. Damn you kid. You taught me that life is too short to think it all the way through. To him this was exciting. Come visit brothers.

G. --- Your life brings mine strength. How you have survived I'll never know. But this is so small in comparison to your life. Come visit me. I'll have Rum. Hell, bring Bailey.

Fewer moving parts means fewer broken pieces. If I drop you now, I won't feel so bad when you fall apart. Out of sight out of mind.

Love,
The Biggest Dick head you ever knew......



Dear Greeley,

I never wanted you. I never wanted to. I know I told you I did. In front of witnesses. And then we lit one wick, but now I get my kicks. I know you never suspected. Because I never said, "Baby I was faking the whole time." How could you ever have guessed it? With no accomplices. But, Baby, I was faking the whole time. You know it isn't like me to be inflammatory. But rather than let you think that I was so naive, I'd have you believe. I never wanted you, I never wanted you. You never had my heart. Our love was never true. I know you never suspected. Because I never said, but Baby, I was faking the whole time. How could you ever have guessed it?With no accomplices, Baby, I was faking the whole time. No we never connected.You only thought we did.

Baby, I was faking the whole time.

-David

P.S. --- I hate you now..... because you're just like me.