Careful What You Ask For......

Matthew 5:3 - "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Part I:
You ever read this scripture? You've at least heard it right?
Rappers reference "The Meek shall inherit the earth" all the time.
But what about this one? What does this one mean?

In my last blog I referenced a prayer from 2 years ago.
I asked God, "What does it mean, 'Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and His Righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."?

It seems to me I have faith in God.
Better yet, it seems that God has investment in me.
(He's invested in everyone...but not all have faith)
Hebrews 10:31 says, "It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."
I am sure I am taking this out of context. But I think this goes both ways.
It's not just the 'judgement' God that can be dreadful.
I think it can be viewed as dreadful (some texts say 'terrible') even on the grace side.

I have recently felt God pulling me back to Himself.
He's been whispering in my ear, "Let's get back to your question...."
But I am like everyone else.
I am too busy playing.
I am too busy gaining the world.
So He had to shout, "Hey! David! Where are you?!?!"

Answer that for yourself.
Where are you?
Where are any of us?

In the past few years I have sought out to be a better man with certain heart matters.
Through Christ I have truly had success.
And when I inquired God about faith. (Faith in healing) He answered.
Believe me, we were forced to listen.
But it ended up being for his glory.
And it made us better.

But I forgot my original question. (QUEST-ion.)
What does it mean, "Seek Ye First the Kingdom of Heaven..."

Funny how God is always perfect in his timing.

Part II:
I have been caught in antinomianism for some time now.

an•ti•no•mi•an: "relating to the doctrine that by faith and the dispensation of grace a Christian is released from the obligation of adhering to any moral law"

Drink, smoke, curse, lust, steal, lie.... whatever you want. We're covered by grace. Jesus loves me no matter what!

It's plausible. It's defendable. But it's not even close to right.

I remember thinking, yeah, if Jesus were here, we'd party.
I'd be like a tax collector. Invite him over and we'd chat and discuss politics, music, religion.
That'd be great.

Problem is, there are things I won't do in front of my parents because I know it would be offensive to them.
Coarse jokes, drinking too much, cursing, etc.
But somehow I have convinced myself that I would do this with Jesus and my friends because He loves me.
He loves us all!
Are those statements true?
Well, yes, Jesus does love me.... he does love all of us.
He is also holy. Defined. Separated. The Son of God.
And in my heart I know that there are many times I was doing things in excess where if Jesus walked in the room at that moment I wouldn't say, "Hey! Jesus! Come on in buddy, have a seat! We were just talkin bout you!'
No, in fact I would be terrified. I would probably throw myself on the floor and beg for mercy.
I would not be able to stand his holiness.

Let's get real (talking to myself), this is the same guy who dropped lines like, "if anyone would come after me, he must deny his selfish ambition, pick up his cross, and follow me," and "anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."

This is the guy who turned even the holiest of men away by exposing their hearts. What did he say to the young rich man, "One thing you lack, sell everything you own and come follow me." Where did that young rich man go?
I don't remember reading about the 13th disciple.

Jesus requires a lot.
His grace is amazing.
Jesus wants all of me.
His love covers a multitude of sins.
Jesus bids me, 'Come and Die!"
His mercy extends to all those who accept it.

All true.
But any logical person can see contrast in these statements.
But the word does not contradict itself, rather, there is always balance.

So I have lived a life of religion.
Striving to be perfect. Flaunting my holiness.
Showcasing how clean the jar was on the outside.
I have been the pious Pharisee.
That didn't get me closer to Him.
Inside, I was miserable.

And I have lived the life of antinomianism.
Not a care in the world. No need to think about others.
Showcasing how much I could get away with.
I have been the sinner saved by grace.
That didn't get me closer to Him.
Inside, I was miserable.

Part III:
"Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven...."

God truly is love. And once you are His child, you are His child.
He has created you to seek what is best for yourself.
We were made in His likeness.
So no matter how far I've wandered down either of these paths, I do believe He was walking with me.
I wasn't always listening, but He was still there.
I am confident that nothing can separate me from His love.

So in His great love, he designed a path for me to attain the answer to my question.
He set me up for success.

Step One: Get David Out of His Comfort Zone
When I left the Northern New Mexico area I promised myself I would never return.
I hated it here the first time, why would I come back.
But I remember 2 years ago suddenly having a desire to move out of Greeley.
And not just to a different town, but a different state.
And not just any state, but the one I promised I'd never move back too.
And God set me up with a job.
He set me up with a home.
And we were happy.
It was a new adventure for us.

Step Two: Strip David of His Assurance
Not too long after we moved though did I realize that it was a dumb decision to move.
I was making a third less of what I was making before.
I was living in a home a third less the size of the home I had lived in before.
I was receiving a third less the help from family that I received before.
I had no friends. No church. No strategy.
I had no prospects.
I suddenly felt deceived.
Why did it seem like such a good idea to move down here.
Why did I feel like it was God who brought us here?
For what?
He brought us here to be poor?
This is backwards.

Part IV:

Step 3: Make David Poor
We read, "All things are working for the good of those who love the Lord" and we act like we can deal with anything. But sometimes "all things" can be things that hurt.
Things that don't feel right. Things that make us sad.
I didn't realize what was happening as it was happening.
But suddenly it occurred to me... I'm poor.

And really I am not.
But to what my lifestyle has been since birth. For the first time ever in my life, I feel poor. And I have what I need. There is a running vehicle in the driveway. Ample transportation that gets me to work and back every day. There is a roof over our heads, food in the fridge. For the first time in my life; I have a budget that I live by. I have a savings account, a C.D., a small loan. My family is healthy and happy. I have everything I need and a little more. But I am still poor. Or I should say, I feel poor.

My friends and family that knew what we had and how we lived, when they come to visit, they ask: "Is everything okay? Are you guys making money? How do you live like this? Do you need any money?" More recently, "I know you're not happy."

Being 'poor' has an effect on your mind.
It messes with your emotions.
When you had, then have not, you feel loss.

poor   /pʊər/
1. having little or no money, goods, or other means of support:
2. Law . dependent upon charity or public support.
3. characterized by or showing poverty.
4. deficient or lacking in something specified: .
5. faulty or inferior,
6. deficient in desirable ingredients, qualities, or the like:
7. of an inferior, inadequate, or unsatisfactory kind:
8. lacking in skill, ability, or training:
9. deficient in moral excellence; cowardly, abject, or mean.
10. scanty, meager, or paltry in amount or number:
11. humble; modest:
12. unfortunate; hapless:

Narrow it down to one concept? Don't have.

So Jesus says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit..."
And everyone thinks they understand that, but it’s a hard concept to grasp!'
It was very hard for me.
But God in his infinite love for me and my family.
God, in his desire to take my family to another level, He was willing to put this much effort into to revealing this scripture to me.

I was riding my bike home the other day.
Feeling poor.
But I was content in my heart.
Fact is, it had been a while since I had felt content.
Not comfortable. Content.
I was happy. I felt good.

I feel Jesus.
"I know he is there like I know my right hand is there."
Can you say that?
It's brilliant to know that.
To not really care about what your 'circumstances' are because you are so enamored with the presence of God in your life that you realize it really doesn't matter.

It's like Blindside's song "Silence”
They won't see the fire you have lit inside of me.
They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.
They look up.
Without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.
I can't explain or understand.
I just love you.

It's "common knowledge" that you've been dead for a while.
It's well known that the cross is only a burden with pains and trials.
But I'm thinking how come my shoes are so light? How come I can walk for miles?
And still, just love you?

Powerful stuff.
So when Jesus says, "...I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?
And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?
For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you....", it crushes everything you are aspiring to do and be.

Because we are all chasing the big house, the nice car and the 'American Dream', right?
Because we deserve it, right?

Laugh with me..... laugh with me and laugh at me when I say, "I deserve....."

Part V:
Does God desire me to be poor in this life? No.
Does he want me to care either way? No.

Many say Jesus lived a poor life. I am not sure where that is found in the bible.
I believe He lived rich.
Every day he had exactly what he needed.
He had transportation, food, company, health and everything he put his hand to was prosperous.
He met the needs of people and usually had leftovers.
His bills were paid, sometimes miraculously, and I never read anywhere in scripture where he was complaining about not having what others had.
He dined with big shots, enjoying the finer things in life and he hung out with the low-life’s, all while balancing being human and the son of God. His needs were met because he knew what the Kingdom of Heaven was about.

What was his message?
"Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near!"

Does anyone really care to understand what that means?

I am not saying God will make you poor if you want to know.
But he had to do it to me.
Otherwise, I would have never bothered to truly seek it.

He made me poor, so I would be humbled.
In my humility I recognized that my spirit was impoverished.
In my poor spirit, I begin to seek the Kingdom of Heaven.
I have begun to seek His righteousness.
He made me poor so that I could become rich.
Stripped me of everything I thought I had and everything I thought I was.
Because He loves me that much.

I have never been happier or more content.
I have never desired God like I do right now.
To finally begin to understand what is hidden inside the Kingdom of Heaven.
To reap the benefits of the Kingdom when it draws near.

I wish I could explain all of this for everyone to understand.
But I can't do it justice.
And even if I did.... most of the people I know wouldn't want it.
Because the cost is great. The road here is narrow.
I don't know why He chose to lead ME here.
But when I ride my bike, in the rain, soaking wet, I am not angry that I do not have a 2nd vehicle right now.
I am thankful that he is cooling me down.
And I am thankful that the people passing by cannot see the tears in my eyes as I am riding.
Because these days, I am so overwhelmed by HIM, that I cry to think about it.
I get choked up when I talk about it.

I know God brought me here to find Him.
He brought me here to be used rightly by Him.
And I can't thank Him enough.

Part VI:

I am not saying you should come over to this side.
But if I were you, I would count the cost.
The master desires to give you joy, peace, and rest.
All you have to do is stop worrying, take his yoke and accept his teaching.
All you have to do is die.

A Light In August

{Sanctuary}
When I describe it, I say “run”.
It’s not a run though. It’s a jog.
But I prefer to say ‘I try and run 3 miles a day,’ as opposed to ‘I struggle to jog 3 miles a day.’
Truth is, lately I have been slacking on my daily jogs.
I have excuses….reasons….justifications.
Justification: ‘Well, I ride a total of 10 miles on my bike every day to work and back.”
The problem is, that is my justification for saying, “Pour more cheese on that,” or “Well, I already had a big breakfast; but, what the heck, free lunch is free lunch.”

We do that as humans though, don’t we?

Justify ourselves? Make excuses.
There is truly a reason why Jesus wants us to trust in only him to be our justification for anything.
It’s because we like to use justification to justify ridiculous things.
Failing to remember that we were probably the most ridiculous thing ever justified… EVER!
In business, what God did would be perceived as a bad investment.
Gathering a people prone to fail.
But God likes glory.
And this route calls for all of the glory.

{Mosquitoes}
So I have been slacking.
Not just the jog.
More deadly…. I have been slacking on my relationship with Him.
It seems like after such a huge battle that required daily sword slinging I would be closer than ever to the master.
Nah.
I am a sheep too.
"Lead me to the slaughter, Heart so prone to wander"
I got into a discussion the other evening about healing.

Anyone who knows me knows I believe that God is a healer.
Anyone who knows me knows that I believe this is a faith issue.
Anyone who knows me knows I can prove this..... or can I.....

I used to be able to.
But saying 'I used to be able to' is pathetic.
It's like someone asking me, "Are you a male?"
I would say, "Of course!"
So they'd say, "Can you prove it?"
"I used to be able to."

{Soldiers Pay}
In life we deal with different people.
My brother in law likes to consider himself an atheist.
So when I talk God he laughs.
"Prove it!," he says.
How do you prove the existence of God to a science major without using the bible?
You use experience.
It's like a scientific test.
You show proof that something happened.
I have seen this, so it proves this/I have felt this, so it proves this, and so on and so forth.

In this recent situation though, I was caught off guard.
The issue wasn't a matter of proof through experience.
The recipient wasn't looking for a testimony of man, rather a word of God.
Back up what you believe using the word of God.
I suddenly went blank. I conjured up 1 scripture and couldn't remember where I usually go from there.
Sweating internally I began saying, "Okay Lord, help me out!"
He said, "Shhh. Just listen."

Oh dear....
Ask yourself this.
In anything that you believe that pertains to your faith in Jesus Christ, can you back it up using the word of God?
Can you prove it in every aspect of life?
Does it line up 100% with the Word of God without being taken out of context or eventually contradicting itself?

You start thinking about a lot of things you do.
You start to consider where you have used a scripture to justify one thing and then suddenly you realize that you have become so lenient with your justification that you have completely compromised your faith.

This leads to my next blog, so I will leave that there for the time being.

{As I Lay Dying}
So I am on my 'run' the next morning and I am chatting with God.
And I am asking Him, "What was that about? Why didn't you let me say something?"
I feel Him chuckle, "David, you know what I have shown you and you know what I have revealed to you. Do you doubt me now? Do you remember when the council told John and Peter not to perform miracles anymore? What did they say?"

THAT, I always remember. Whether it is right in the sight of God to obey what you say rather than what HE says, you be the judge; but I we cannot stop speaking about what we I've seen and heard.

God said, "This is not a matter of persecution, but a challenge to you. Again, you have taken what I have shown you to the masses before I was done showing you. Wisdom is proved right by her actions. I am calling you to present yourself to Me as one approved. A man of faith who doesn't need to be ashamed of what he believes and who correctly handles MY words of truth. My desire is not that you will fight your brothers over 'words', but that you can rightly discern MY word. What I have given you, and also what I have given your brothers and sisters. The devil prowls on your heart looking for any doubt and he destroys your faith when you expose your doubt. My work in you is never finished and my word in you is never fully revealed."

In silliness (maybe it was mile #2 taking it's toll), I asked, "So you do heal those who have faith?"

::I swear his laughter was audible:: "David, what does my word say?"

{The Sound and The Fury}
I like to jog.
I have always enjoyed it.
I don't enjoy waking up early to do it.
It is a struggle.
But I learned a long time ago that it mentally helps me put my flesh in check.
I am not running because my flesh likes it.
I am running because I know what's best for my flesh.

And so God does not want me to study His word because my flesh will like it.
He just knows what is best for my flesh.
He needs to put it in check.

The reality is. I know that I will never see eye to eye with everyone.
Not everyone will know what I know or see what I see.
I will never know what everyone else knows or what they have seen.
So humans, we choose to quarrel.
We choose to quarrel about things that don't matter.

I used to like doing that...
I am getting tired of it.

So I will listen to God.
I remember asking him 2 years ago exactly.
"Lord, what does it mean, 'Seek Ye first the Kingdom of Heaven?'"
And so I have sought after what happens when it comes near.
But I never sought the Kingdom itself.

So God has brought me here.... stripped me clean in so many ways.
And I am seeking it. And I am finding it.

I hope I don't stop running anytime soon.