God is in his Holy Temple.
So let us all be silent….
::silence::

I like to meditate.
I like to sit in front of candles

and rosaries and
enjoy silence.

I meditate.

And God speaks to me.

I believe in the ability to speak in tongues. You couldn't disprove that to me. But I don't speak in tongues myself. Biblically it edifies the person speaking. And I believe that. But thats a gift. And its not mine.

So I meditate. King David was a man after God's own heart (according to God anyway), and he was spirit filled. Spirit filled before there were "tongues of fire". I prefer what his approach was. Sitting before God. Sitting. Waiting. Listening.

In silence.

And I listen.

And I wait.

And I sit.

God is in his Holy Temple.

So let us all be silent….

::silence::

Gettin Some...

We hadn't done it in so long.
You know. Days to weeks, weeks to months type a deal.

---We were one of those couples that said, "We're gonna do it everynight no matter what! We have to. It's the only thing that will make our marriage strong!" Which is true….
But we get busy.

She's got school stuff to do.
She's always on the computer planning lessons or chatting on myspace.
And its not like I don't do stuff.
But dang, sometimes I have denied doing it because I wanted to watch Seinfeld.

I know…. What an ass right?

There are times I am at work and I think about her and I want to do it so bad. Like right there in my cubical with her. Or hell, even just go to a park and do it on the grass or under a tree. But I never suggest it. I don't know if she'd be down. Anyways... we're too busy.

Problem is. That led to me doing it on my own. It started in the mornings. I'd be all alone and I'd just do it. There are times I would do it at work! Like get there real early, pull something up on the internet and just go at it. But even that's not the same. (Though, I don't think I'll ever stop trying to do it at work. Its easier and its also invigorating to be at my desk, right there in plain view, and no one even knows I am doing it!!!)

It was starting to feel like we'd never do it. But last night I was on the treadmill, and she was laying there on the couch. She looked good. And I was like, we need to do it. Preferably on the couch. It will just be different.
So I lit some candles, turned on some music and lit some incense. I told her I was gonna take a quick shower and then we'd do it. Finally!!

I scrubbed extra good in that shower. All I could think of was how it was gonna be such a relief to finally do it.
I came back into the room. I positioned myself on the couch with her. We hadn't done it in so long that it kinda felt awkward. We re-adjusted our positons so it'd be more comfortable. I slipped my fingers in first. Kinda twiddled in there to find the "sweet spot" as I like to call it. Then I found it… and I started to read... " 1 Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. 2 Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. 3 For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. 4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. 5 For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. 6 But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there.
7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me— now let me rejoice. 9 Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. 11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. 13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you. 14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness. 15 Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you.
16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. 18 Look with favor on Zion and help her; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit— with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings. Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

It was pretty much amazing. It's been so long since I have read the bible to her. I enjoyed it. We enjoyed it.

Touche!

Arizona curled up with California,
then she tried to hide
the whole thing from New Mexico,
who knew before he saw
them making out in Yuma
that she had been loving someone new.


But California, not California....
How could you?


The bully loved her cactus, the underdog her pine. But she would only love one at a time.


New Mexico has always hated California, and though he knew that Arizona wore the pants, he got loaded and he started throwing punches.


The poor Injun never had a chance.


Scissors cut paper.
Paper covers rock.
Rock crushes Scissors.
Scissors fall apart.

This One's for Reyna

Sifting through trash on a cold Tuesday morning.
It's odd, because there I was thinking, "I am happy to be here today."

Most people would probably get grossed out throwing wet, muddy trash into a dumpster. Especially on a cold October morning. But not me. The stress in my neck was starting to loosen up. Sifting through frost covered boxes of personal belongings. A Tommy Hilfiger kids jacket and some Ralph Lauren Polo Jeans... "Throw those in the truck" my dad says, " They'll fit Mason." A note book here, a photo album there, a deck of cards, broken toys --- just random stuff you would expect a person to leave behind on a quick getaway.

My brain says to myself, "Who knows where they are at by now.... Mexico?"

I look at my dad, breaking up boards from the old dresser so they will fit into the dumpster and I think, "Someday, that will be me. I hope my son will understand that we have what we have because my dad suffered. Actually, it better be a daughter. It will have to be my daughter Emery that's out here cos Malorie will think its gross to be here in the ghetto."

Then I saw it.

A photo of a little girl. A little mexican girl, maybe 10 or 11 years old. She was wearing sun glasses and a shirt that said 'REYNA' in big silver letters. She was blowing a kiss to the camera. I was just about to launch it when I noticed the front of her shirt was tied in a knot as if to be stylish. And her shorts were REALLY short. And then I realized she was wearing heels.

I launched the picture into the box of trash I was filling and kept grabbing at the other trash lying on the ground. Another picture. Same girl. Same outfit. Only this time I realize she is not posing for her friend with a camera. She is not trying to act like a glamorous model and she is not wearing short shorts. Those short shorts are actually her panties and her legs are spread open on the couch with her finger pointed at her crotch. I heave it into the box and I feel a shiver run down my spine. And there are more pictures spread on the ground here. I am trying not to look at the images, but I know what is happening in these pictures.

There is some sick fuck behind the lens. He is telling this girl to pose in different positions and act like the horny housewife he wants. The housewife he has, but cannot please because he is a limp dick, needle fuck, punk bitch who is so wrapped up in himself that he is oblivious to the doors he is opening for this little girls mind. It could be his little sister, his niece, or god forbid even his own daughter. No matter who it is, I begin to get nauseous for this girl.

The last picture I hurried into the box was an image of little 'Reyna' opening a stove and seductively sliding in a tray of cookies perhaps....

I don't know who 'Reyna' is. I don't know how old she was then or is now. But I know that 'Reyna' is in my prayers. Every 'Reyna' is now in my prayers, because she didn't choose that, and yet she will have to reap those memories for the rest of her life.

I pray for her because when my daughters grow up, I want them to be safe. I want them to know that they are better than that. I want them to know they can trust a man.

But I don't know if I will ever have daughters. Because I don't know if I can keep them safe. And I don't know if they can trust a man.

How The Leopard Got It's Spots

>Palms are fitted black and finely tuned to triggers that cause bodies to tremble.<

>>But this mud looks shallow from the beach when we hide behind such ugly faces<<

>And the dark eyed woman lifts her head, "Why do we hide behind such ugly faces?"<

>>Child bearing games from the streets down to the shores<<
>They're playing as waterways open in an obscene gaping gasp.<
>>"Rally all your men there is work to be done"<<

>Still we don't have the time for speaking out of place, because he won't come down<

>>He won't come down -- He won't come down<<

>When lengths of snakes match each silent syllable, "With eyes like these"<
>>Face glistening with suspense of a scalpel blade<<
>Clockwork calculating surgical precision.<

>>Palms are fitted black and finely tuned to stomachs that swallowed whole...<<

The sowing is easy for me.

It's the reaping that's hard.

Lord teach me to be patient

and eat what I planted.

To the Laodecians, part II

To you: (do not read until you've read part I)
To me: (please do not forget the sense of urgency you've suddenly felt....)


It was a friday night, and my wife and I were at my cousins house celebrating his recent promotion. It was just a barbeque and alcohol. I had purchased Tequila as a gift, but after a couple of shots of that, we were all moving on to better drinks.

Then he said it.... "Dude, I know I am going straight to hell for that one! ::loud laugh:: Shit, I'm goin to hell for a lot of things!" ::look of concern for 2 seconds, then the loud laugh again::
I am looking at this guy (who is my cousin's cousin) and I say, "Wait, why are you going to hell?"
"Cos man, I'm a baaaaad boy. Bad boy! Can't stop the sinnin! ::again the look of concern:: You wouldn't know. You think sin is when you lied to yo daddy. I've been baaaaaad!!!" ::loud laugh::
I say, "Nah nah nah. That's not sin and neither is anything you do. You believe in Jesus right?"
"Of course!", he says.
"Well then I'll see you in heaven!"
"How do you even figure man? ::chuckle, eyes sobering up:: Seriously bro, respectfully, I know I have done things that God can't forgive. I have knowingly done bad things man. I have accepted this. I am going to hell."

Now I am thinkin.... Does anyone NOT knowingly do bad things?
And I open my mouth to respond and then my cousin interupts. "Both of you shut the hell up! You're ruinin the party! Why you guys gotta talk about religion when I am trying to get drunk. Lets have fun!"

I want to argue the point, but I love my cousin and I respect his home. Also, the Guiness and 2 Bass' are ready to leave my urinary tract. But while I am aiming my urine into the toilet bowl, I feel the spirit urge me to make a point to this guy.

"S****, I hate to disrespect you", I say as I exit the bathroom, "but let me just tell T*** one thing. T***, ::I am looking him straight in the eye/I can feel the spirit of God on me:: there is only one sin. And that is to not believe in Jesus. Period. There is nothing else that seperates us from God. If you in your heart of hearts believe in Jesus as the saviour, then I will see you in heaven. Sorry S****, I'll shut up now."

I sit down. T*** looks at me. "Thanks man....."
He got it! He knew!

I could go off on the rest of the evening and how he thanked me for the words like 4 more times. But I want to make a point.

Lets evaluate the scripture I posted.
John 16:8-11 NCV (Holy Bible)
8 When the Helper comes, he will prove to the people of the world the truth about sin, about being right with God, and about judgment.9 He will prove to them that sin is not believing in me.10 He will prove to them that being right with God comes from my going to the Father and not being seen anymore. 11 And the Helper will prove to them that judgment happened when the ruler of this world was judged.

Verse 8 says the helper (the spirit of God) will show the world (us) 3 things. What sin is, how to be right with God and how we shall be judged.

What is sin? ---- "sin is not believing in me." Jesus is a few hours from crucifixion when he reveals this. He is through with the parables and he is through with the hidden meanings. He is out of time. So he is saying it as plainly as he can. I can't elaborate on this because this is as blunt as it gets.

So how can I be right with God (i.e. Righteousness)? -- "being right with God comes from my going to the Father and not being seen anymore." You wanna please God? Be 'right' with him? Have faith! What is faith? Believing the impossible. People today mock Jesus. They mock faith. They mock church. They mock your beliefs. Romans 3:4 says, "...the Scripture says, 'Abraham believed God, and God accepted Abraham's faith, and that faith made him right with God.' Thats all God is looking for. Thats all he has ever wanted. Believe just one thing. Jesus existed. He died so I could live, then went to be with His father in Heaven. Believe in that and God will be pleased with you beyond anything you could believe.

How will we be judged? -- "judgment happened when the ruler of this world was judged." It is finished. You will not be judged for any wrong you do because Jesus was already tried, proved guilty, convicted and handed the death penalty for all your wrongs. You are free because He took the rap for you.

Read it. Those are not my words. They are Jesus'. Read it in any translation you want. They all say the same thing.
I have more to share to myself on this, but I think this is enough for now.

I hope this all makes sense. Maybe you know this already. But maybe you don't.
Give me one more entry. I'll tie it together. ; )

To the Laodecians, part I

Revelation 3:14-16 NCV (Holy Bible)
To the Church in Laodicea: 14 "Write this to the angel of the church in Laodicea:
"The Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of all God has made, says this: 15 I know what you do, that you are not hot or cold. I wish that you were hot or cold!16 But because you are lukewarm—neither hot, nor cold—I am ready to spit you out of my mouth.

Please read this:

When you read this, what do you think? When your pastor presched on this, what did he say?
I bet it was something like this.... "To see if we are lukewarm or our church is lukewarm, we must simply define cold and hot; if we are neither then we are lukewarm! To be "cold for Christ" essentially means to be "a member but not be present.---To be "hot for Christ means we are serving him with everything we have and paying our tithes and abstaining from sin." (taken from Kip McKean.com)

Dear Kip:

You are a jack ass and you are poisoning your church and readers.
Love,
David H. =)

Okay then David, whats the meaning here?

Very simple.

God is mad at the church. He is mad because they are living grace for them selves and law for their brethren. Essentially, you have people who are saying, "I thank God for his grace which saved me. I am glad Jesus saved me!" And yet they are trying to prove to everyone how perfect they are by their actions. They are always pointing out the faults of others and telling you that you need to get your life straightened out with God. They are telling you that God isn't blessing you because you aren't obeying his commands.

This sound familiar? Maybe cos you are like me and you do the same.

Think about it. In regards to God's grace, do you believe that it is a gift or a reward? Do you believe that it is given or earned? In this scripture, God is asking to believe one or the other. He is saying, "Look, if you are going to preach law, then convict yourselves by law. Live, eat and breathe the law. Follow it whole heartedly. Sacrifice for your own sins and do so with all your might and strength." But if you are one who believe's in the gift.... God says, "Your welcome. Take the gift! Enjoy the gift. I paid a lot for that. I want you to use it. Be free and love freely. I don't ask anything in return but your love."

The problem with me is, I tend to say, "I believe in your grace lord (for me), but that asshole over there needs to change. He is such a huge sinner. He needs you bad!!"

Read that scripture... chew on it... dissect it. Read the context of it. God is speaking to a church that says, "Jesus Loves you.... now stop fuckin up!!"

But aren't we all fuck ups? Isn't that why God had to save us once and for all anyways?

God says, " I wish you were one or the other. I wish you were law or grace. I wish you were all about one thing or all about the other. But you're not. You are claiming grace as a gift yet trying to earn it by following the law. You preach grace to your brother and yet slam him on every wrong YOU see him do. Your actions make me sick. Its like drinkin luke warm tea. I love Hot Tea in the mornings, I love Iced Tea in the heat of the day.... but no one likes luke warm tea. And I hate it so much, heck, it reminds me of you. I want to spit you out of my mouth!"

(please know that I am writing to me, and yet i hope you get this!)

Understand it like this. To claim Grace is to understand what Jesus meant when he said, "It Is Finished!"
Whoa! Powerful words eh?

When Jesus said that from the cross, he knew what he was saying. He knew what he had done. He knew what was finished.

The law. The do's and the don'ts. The rule of death. The slavery of sin.

Read:
John 16:8-11 NCV (Holy Bible)
8 When the Helper comes, he will prove to the people of the world the truth about sin, about being right with God, and about judgment.9 He will prove to them that sin is not believing in me.10 He will prove to them that being right with God comes from my going to the Father and not being seen anymore. 11 And the Helper will prove to them that judgment happened when the ruler of this world was judged.

I can't even figure where to start to complete this.....

Look. Read these 2 passages of scripture. Believer and non-believer. Person who kinda gets it and person who thinks church is for pussies. Read these things. This is real deep and I have a whole story to write about this.

But I wanna take my time with this. Even if just for me.

Part II is coming.