Careful What You Ask For......

Matthew 5:3 - "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Part I:
You ever read this scripture? You've at least heard it right?
Rappers reference "The Meek shall inherit the earth" all the time.
But what about this one? What does this one mean?

In my last blog I referenced a prayer from 2 years ago.
I asked God, "What does it mean, 'Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and His Righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."?

It seems to me I have faith in God.
Better yet, it seems that God has investment in me.
(He's invested in everyone...but not all have faith)
Hebrews 10:31 says, "It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."
I am sure I am taking this out of context. But I think this goes both ways.
It's not just the 'judgement' God that can be dreadful.
I think it can be viewed as dreadful (some texts say 'terrible') even on the grace side.

I have recently felt God pulling me back to Himself.
He's been whispering in my ear, "Let's get back to your question...."
But I am like everyone else.
I am too busy playing.
I am too busy gaining the world.
So He had to shout, "Hey! David! Where are you?!?!"

Answer that for yourself.
Where are you?
Where are any of us?

In the past few years I have sought out to be a better man with certain heart matters.
Through Christ I have truly had success.
And when I inquired God about faith. (Faith in healing) He answered.
Believe me, we were forced to listen.
But it ended up being for his glory.
And it made us better.

But I forgot my original question. (QUEST-ion.)
What does it mean, "Seek Ye First the Kingdom of Heaven..."

Funny how God is always perfect in his timing.

Part II:
I have been caught in antinomianism for some time now.

an•ti•no•mi•an: "relating to the doctrine that by faith and the dispensation of grace a Christian is released from the obligation of adhering to any moral law"

Drink, smoke, curse, lust, steal, lie.... whatever you want. We're covered by grace. Jesus loves me no matter what!

It's plausible. It's defendable. But it's not even close to right.

I remember thinking, yeah, if Jesus were here, we'd party.
I'd be like a tax collector. Invite him over and we'd chat and discuss politics, music, religion.
That'd be great.

Problem is, there are things I won't do in front of my parents because I know it would be offensive to them.
Coarse jokes, drinking too much, cursing, etc.
But somehow I have convinced myself that I would do this with Jesus and my friends because He loves me.
He loves us all!
Are those statements true?
Well, yes, Jesus does love me.... he does love all of us.
He is also holy. Defined. Separated. The Son of God.
And in my heart I know that there are many times I was doing things in excess where if Jesus walked in the room at that moment I wouldn't say, "Hey! Jesus! Come on in buddy, have a seat! We were just talkin bout you!'
No, in fact I would be terrified. I would probably throw myself on the floor and beg for mercy.
I would not be able to stand his holiness.

Let's get real (talking to myself), this is the same guy who dropped lines like, "if anyone would come after me, he must deny his selfish ambition, pick up his cross, and follow me," and "anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."

This is the guy who turned even the holiest of men away by exposing their hearts. What did he say to the young rich man, "One thing you lack, sell everything you own and come follow me." Where did that young rich man go?
I don't remember reading about the 13th disciple.

Jesus requires a lot.
His grace is amazing.
Jesus wants all of me.
His love covers a multitude of sins.
Jesus bids me, 'Come and Die!"
His mercy extends to all those who accept it.

All true.
But any logical person can see contrast in these statements.
But the word does not contradict itself, rather, there is always balance.

So I have lived a life of religion.
Striving to be perfect. Flaunting my holiness.
Showcasing how clean the jar was on the outside.
I have been the pious Pharisee.
That didn't get me closer to Him.
Inside, I was miserable.

And I have lived the life of antinomianism.
Not a care in the world. No need to think about others.
Showcasing how much I could get away with.
I have been the sinner saved by grace.
That didn't get me closer to Him.
Inside, I was miserable.

Part III:
"Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven...."

God truly is love. And once you are His child, you are His child.
He has created you to seek what is best for yourself.
We were made in His likeness.
So no matter how far I've wandered down either of these paths, I do believe He was walking with me.
I wasn't always listening, but He was still there.
I am confident that nothing can separate me from His love.

So in His great love, he designed a path for me to attain the answer to my question.
He set me up for success.

Step One: Get David Out of His Comfort Zone
When I left the Northern New Mexico area I promised myself I would never return.
I hated it here the first time, why would I come back.
But I remember 2 years ago suddenly having a desire to move out of Greeley.
And not just to a different town, but a different state.
And not just any state, but the one I promised I'd never move back too.
And God set me up with a job.
He set me up with a home.
And we were happy.
It was a new adventure for us.

Step Two: Strip David of His Assurance
Not too long after we moved though did I realize that it was a dumb decision to move.
I was making a third less of what I was making before.
I was living in a home a third less the size of the home I had lived in before.
I was receiving a third less the help from family that I received before.
I had no friends. No church. No strategy.
I had no prospects.
I suddenly felt deceived.
Why did it seem like such a good idea to move down here.
Why did I feel like it was God who brought us here?
For what?
He brought us here to be poor?
This is backwards.

Part IV:

Step 3: Make David Poor
We read, "All things are working for the good of those who love the Lord" and we act like we can deal with anything. But sometimes "all things" can be things that hurt.
Things that don't feel right. Things that make us sad.
I didn't realize what was happening as it was happening.
But suddenly it occurred to me... I'm poor.

And really I am not.
But to what my lifestyle has been since birth. For the first time ever in my life, I feel poor. And I have what I need. There is a running vehicle in the driveway. Ample transportation that gets me to work and back every day. There is a roof over our heads, food in the fridge. For the first time in my life; I have a budget that I live by. I have a savings account, a C.D., a small loan. My family is healthy and happy. I have everything I need and a little more. But I am still poor. Or I should say, I feel poor.

My friends and family that knew what we had and how we lived, when they come to visit, they ask: "Is everything okay? Are you guys making money? How do you live like this? Do you need any money?" More recently, "I know you're not happy."

Being 'poor' has an effect on your mind.
It messes with your emotions.
When you had, then have not, you feel loss.

poor   /pʊər/
1. having little or no money, goods, or other means of support:
2. Law . dependent upon charity or public support.
3. characterized by or showing poverty.
4. deficient or lacking in something specified: .
5. faulty or inferior,
6. deficient in desirable ingredients, qualities, or the like:
7. of an inferior, inadequate, or unsatisfactory kind:
8. lacking in skill, ability, or training:
9. deficient in moral excellence; cowardly, abject, or mean.
10. scanty, meager, or paltry in amount or number:
11. humble; modest:
12. unfortunate; hapless:

Narrow it down to one concept? Don't have.

So Jesus says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit..."
And everyone thinks they understand that, but it’s a hard concept to grasp!'
It was very hard for me.
But God in his infinite love for me and my family.
God, in his desire to take my family to another level, He was willing to put this much effort into to revealing this scripture to me.

I was riding my bike home the other day.
Feeling poor.
But I was content in my heart.
Fact is, it had been a while since I had felt content.
Not comfortable. Content.
I was happy. I felt good.

I feel Jesus.
"I know he is there like I know my right hand is there."
Can you say that?
It's brilliant to know that.
To not really care about what your 'circumstances' are because you are so enamored with the presence of God in your life that you realize it really doesn't matter.

It's like Blindside's song "Silence”
They won't see the fire you have lit inside of me.
They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.
They look up.
Without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.
I can't explain or understand.
I just love you.

It's "common knowledge" that you've been dead for a while.
It's well known that the cross is only a burden with pains and trials.
But I'm thinking how come my shoes are so light? How come I can walk for miles?
And still, just love you?

Powerful stuff.
So when Jesus says, "...I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?
And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?
For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you....", it crushes everything you are aspiring to do and be.

Because we are all chasing the big house, the nice car and the 'American Dream', right?
Because we deserve it, right?

Laugh with me..... laugh with me and laugh at me when I say, "I deserve....."

Part V:
Does God desire me to be poor in this life? No.
Does he want me to care either way? No.

Many say Jesus lived a poor life. I am not sure where that is found in the bible.
I believe He lived rich.
Every day he had exactly what he needed.
He had transportation, food, company, health and everything he put his hand to was prosperous.
He met the needs of people and usually had leftovers.
His bills were paid, sometimes miraculously, and I never read anywhere in scripture where he was complaining about not having what others had.
He dined with big shots, enjoying the finer things in life and he hung out with the low-life’s, all while balancing being human and the son of God. His needs were met because he knew what the Kingdom of Heaven was about.

What was his message?
"Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near!"

Does anyone really care to understand what that means?

I am not saying God will make you poor if you want to know.
But he had to do it to me.
Otherwise, I would have never bothered to truly seek it.

He made me poor, so I would be humbled.
In my humility I recognized that my spirit was impoverished.
In my poor spirit, I begin to seek the Kingdom of Heaven.
I have begun to seek His righteousness.
He made me poor so that I could become rich.
Stripped me of everything I thought I had and everything I thought I was.
Because He loves me that much.

I have never been happier or more content.
I have never desired God like I do right now.
To finally begin to understand what is hidden inside the Kingdom of Heaven.
To reap the benefits of the Kingdom when it draws near.

I wish I could explain all of this for everyone to understand.
But I can't do it justice.
And even if I did.... most of the people I know wouldn't want it.
Because the cost is great. The road here is narrow.
I don't know why He chose to lead ME here.
But when I ride my bike, in the rain, soaking wet, I am not angry that I do not have a 2nd vehicle right now.
I am thankful that he is cooling me down.
And I am thankful that the people passing by cannot see the tears in my eyes as I am riding.
Because these days, I am so overwhelmed by HIM, that I cry to think about it.
I get choked up when I talk about it.

I know God brought me here to find Him.
He brought me here to be used rightly by Him.
And I can't thank Him enough.

Part VI:

I am not saying you should come over to this side.
But if I were you, I would count the cost.
The master desires to give you joy, peace, and rest.
All you have to do is stop worrying, take his yoke and accept his teaching.
All you have to do is die.

A Light In August

{Sanctuary}
When I describe it, I say “run”.
It’s not a run though. It’s a jog.
But I prefer to say ‘I try and run 3 miles a day,’ as opposed to ‘I struggle to jog 3 miles a day.’
Truth is, lately I have been slacking on my daily jogs.
I have excuses….reasons….justifications.
Justification: ‘Well, I ride a total of 10 miles on my bike every day to work and back.”
The problem is, that is my justification for saying, “Pour more cheese on that,” or “Well, I already had a big breakfast; but, what the heck, free lunch is free lunch.”

We do that as humans though, don’t we?

Justify ourselves? Make excuses.
There is truly a reason why Jesus wants us to trust in only him to be our justification for anything.
It’s because we like to use justification to justify ridiculous things.
Failing to remember that we were probably the most ridiculous thing ever justified… EVER!
In business, what God did would be perceived as a bad investment.
Gathering a people prone to fail.
But God likes glory.
And this route calls for all of the glory.

{Mosquitoes}
So I have been slacking.
Not just the jog.
More deadly…. I have been slacking on my relationship with Him.
It seems like after such a huge battle that required daily sword slinging I would be closer than ever to the master.
Nah.
I am a sheep too.
"Lead me to the slaughter, Heart so prone to wander"
I got into a discussion the other evening about healing.

Anyone who knows me knows I believe that God is a healer.
Anyone who knows me knows that I believe this is a faith issue.
Anyone who knows me knows I can prove this..... or can I.....

I used to be able to.
But saying 'I used to be able to' is pathetic.
It's like someone asking me, "Are you a male?"
I would say, "Of course!"
So they'd say, "Can you prove it?"
"I used to be able to."

{Soldiers Pay}
In life we deal with different people.
My brother in law likes to consider himself an atheist.
So when I talk God he laughs.
"Prove it!," he says.
How do you prove the existence of God to a science major without using the bible?
You use experience.
It's like a scientific test.
You show proof that something happened.
I have seen this, so it proves this/I have felt this, so it proves this, and so on and so forth.

In this recent situation though, I was caught off guard.
The issue wasn't a matter of proof through experience.
The recipient wasn't looking for a testimony of man, rather a word of God.
Back up what you believe using the word of God.
I suddenly went blank. I conjured up 1 scripture and couldn't remember where I usually go from there.
Sweating internally I began saying, "Okay Lord, help me out!"
He said, "Shhh. Just listen."

Oh dear....
Ask yourself this.
In anything that you believe that pertains to your faith in Jesus Christ, can you back it up using the word of God?
Can you prove it in every aspect of life?
Does it line up 100% with the Word of God without being taken out of context or eventually contradicting itself?

You start thinking about a lot of things you do.
You start to consider where you have used a scripture to justify one thing and then suddenly you realize that you have become so lenient with your justification that you have completely compromised your faith.

This leads to my next blog, so I will leave that there for the time being.

{As I Lay Dying}
So I am on my 'run' the next morning and I am chatting with God.
And I am asking Him, "What was that about? Why didn't you let me say something?"
I feel Him chuckle, "David, you know what I have shown you and you know what I have revealed to you. Do you doubt me now? Do you remember when the council told John and Peter not to perform miracles anymore? What did they say?"

THAT, I always remember. Whether it is right in the sight of God to obey what you say rather than what HE says, you be the judge; but I we cannot stop speaking about what we I've seen and heard.

God said, "This is not a matter of persecution, but a challenge to you. Again, you have taken what I have shown you to the masses before I was done showing you. Wisdom is proved right by her actions. I am calling you to present yourself to Me as one approved. A man of faith who doesn't need to be ashamed of what he believes and who correctly handles MY words of truth. My desire is not that you will fight your brothers over 'words', but that you can rightly discern MY word. What I have given you, and also what I have given your brothers and sisters. The devil prowls on your heart looking for any doubt and he destroys your faith when you expose your doubt. My work in you is never finished and my word in you is never fully revealed."

In silliness (maybe it was mile #2 taking it's toll), I asked, "So you do heal those who have faith?"

::I swear his laughter was audible:: "David, what does my word say?"

{The Sound and The Fury}
I like to jog.
I have always enjoyed it.
I don't enjoy waking up early to do it.
It is a struggle.
But I learned a long time ago that it mentally helps me put my flesh in check.
I am not running because my flesh likes it.
I am running because I know what's best for my flesh.

And so God does not want me to study His word because my flesh will like it.
He just knows what is best for my flesh.
He needs to put it in check.

The reality is. I know that I will never see eye to eye with everyone.
Not everyone will know what I know or see what I see.
I will never know what everyone else knows or what they have seen.
So humans, we choose to quarrel.
We choose to quarrel about things that don't matter.

I used to like doing that...
I am getting tired of it.

So I will listen to God.
I remember asking him 2 years ago exactly.
"Lord, what does it mean, 'Seek Ye first the Kingdom of Heaven?'"
And so I have sought after what happens when it comes near.
But I never sought the Kingdom itself.

So God has brought me here.... stripped me clean in so many ways.
And I am seeking it. And I am finding it.

I hope I don't stop running anytime soon.

Mine Eyes, Mine Eyes....

The prize shall be grand to the person who can interpret this dream....

I am riding my bike in Greeley.
I am leaving an airport.
In reality this airport doesn't exist, but in my dream, the airport is located on 35th Ave and the 34 Bypass. (basically where the Home Depot is)
Down 35th Avenue I ride toward Bittersweet park.
It's cloudy like it wants to rain, but I know it won't.
I am humming "I'm in the Lord's Army", the faithful old tune from our youth.
I notice that everything is the same and yet it is better.
Bittersweet park is where Bittersweet park always is, except its way cooler.
It's a park i always dream.

This park is so cool.

I wish I had time to explain it.

But everything is different.
Everything is just better.
Just imagine the familiar places of your home town and everything you can remember seeing.
Now imagine it 100 times better.
Greener, Lusher, Cleaner, More Friendly....
Although I want to ride through my favorite park, I am determined to get home.

In this dream, my home is located off of 35th Ave and 4th Street.

3236 W. 3rd Street Rd.

The 1st home Trudy and I inhabited in Greeley.

I get to 10th Street.

Everything looks great.

I see asian people everywhere though.

Walking, Driving, Bike Riding....

I see a young man riding a Segma.

If anyone remembers what a Segma is you are from the 80's.

I remember the year my brother got a Segma for Christmas.

It was sweet!

And in my dream, it suddenly hit me.

"This is the guy who stole my brother's Segma!"

I called out to him.He turned to look at me and his eyes flashed like white beams.

He had no facial expression.

But he knew my thoughts.

Off he rode down 35th.

I began to pedal as hard as I could to chase him.

I rode hard til I passed him about 20 feet ahead.

I jumped off my bike and stood in the middle of the sidewalk.

He came at me faster and faster.

I knew he was going to ram me, but I also knew that it was my only way to stop him.

When he was just in front of me and I jumped at him to tackle him.

I felt the impact and I began to swing and punch as violently as I could.

But as I opened my eyes to see who I was punching, I realized that I was punching a stalk of hay.

I stood up and looked around.

The Segma and it's rider were no where to be found.

But the stalk of hay was bleeding.

I began to jump on it and stomp it until my shoes were red.

I picked up the scattered hay and threw it into a ditch.

Just then I heard a woman screaming.

I turned to see her running across the street.

She was screaming, "Murderer! MURDERER!!!!"

I broke the kick stand off my bike and I stabbed her in the neck.

But when I pulled the kick stand out she was a stuffed doll.

Her eyes started glowing like the Segma rider's.

I went to throw her into the ditch but when I threw her she pulled me and we both plunged into the mucky water.

I managed to stand up and I grabbed her and held her under the water til she stopped moving.

I climbed out of the ditch.

Scared and embarrassed.

And when I looked at my wet arms, there were eyes all over my flesh staring at me.

Blinking and functioning like real eyes.

I lifted my shirt and realized my whole body was covered with eyes all looking at me.

In fear, I jumped into the ditch and held my breathe to kill myself....

....and I woke up.

Let The Hard Times Roll!

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I Am A Self-Righteous Prick

If you ever read these blogs. Somewhere along the lines you have to have picked up that I am a firm believer in the work Christ did at the cross for my health. I choose not to submit my flesh to sickness because Christ came and died so I would not have to be sick, diseased and ill.

But do not be mistaken. There are days that I feel a sore throat coming on. Or I sense a headache trying to pain my brain. I have even been struck with flu symptoms. But every time I say, "Screw you devil. I'm healed. This is just a lying symptom and I do not accept it." Literally within moments the symptoms begin to wear off and my health is restored.

Yesterday though. Yesterday was different.

Now, before I dive into this, please understand that I do NOT believe that the Lord inflicts pain on those whom he loves. I don't think he inflicts pain on those whom he hates either. God doesn't make us sick. According to the new covenant, all those old curses and such have been banished.

That said...

Yesterday morning I wake up with a sore throat. Nothing out of the ordinary, but I did feel the strain on my neck and vocals throughout the day. As soon as I got to work that morning I see an email from a friend who had read my previous blog. He was captured by my argument of being "right". A response he gave really tugged my heart strings.

He wrote: "I have been accused (accurately) many times of having to be right. I have learned that it is usually something in me that needs adjustment rather than what I hear from others. While it is important to be correct in what you know or believe to be true, many things are not as obvious to others as they are to us. I heard a pastor say once that 'Your point is usually not worth making.'"

So I took it to memory and told myself, "Yeah, good point. I really need to not try and be right all the time.If people don't think like I do, no reason in fighting the point." And I really am trying my hardest to accept that rule and live by it.

But God was looking to stress this point to me in a very intense way.

Throughout the day I could feel my sore throat crawl into the back of my brain all the way to the front of head and down to my nose. My body began to ache and I was feeling hot, then cold, the hot, then cold, etc. I was starting to get frustrated because I know God has taken care of worse. So I was baffled at why I was getting more and more sick instead of better.

By the time I got home I was feeling sick all over my body. It's the loss of equilibrium and the feeling that your brain is floating in a pool of water in your skull. Every time you turn your head, your brain just slides back and forth.

As the evening turned to night time it just became a downhill wreck. I was trying my hardest to deny the symptoms. But the more I denied them, the more they intensified. I became disappointed in myself. In my faith. I had already done the unspeakable (in my book) and drank some Airborne. To me that is medicine. And I do NOT take medicine!!

It didn't help that I caught feelings with my wife late in the evening about something completely unrelated to this situation. It was one of those things that keeps happening that you bottle in and bottle in, and then when you are overwhelmed by other things, the bottle bursts and it just all spills. Not what I needed for the day.

I was so mad in fact that I had pre-determined to sleep on the couch for the night. You know, make a statement. The night got late and my wife made her way to bed. I was exhausted, but restless. The aches began to intensify.I laid on the couch trying to ease my ailments with laughter. But there was nothing on the TV that could satisfy.

Suddenly I felt the most excruciating pain move into my lower back. I can't explain it. But it was a pain that I couldn't get away from. I adjusted my body every which way I could and I couldn't escape it. There was no ease to the pain. I was so, tired, but I couldn't sleep. The throat, the head, the back, my whole body; agonized by these unstoppable pains.

I got up to take communion, but was suddenly overcome with an urge to run to the restroom. You know what I'm talking about. The green apple splatters. I sat there on the toilet and just began to cry. I could not figure out what was going on with my body. "Christ'" I exclaimed, "what is going on here? I know you have healed me from this junk. Why is my flesh suddenly submitting to all of this? My spirit knows better!" God's response shocked me.

He said, "David, I have asked your spirit to step aside for the moment to show you something. The pain in your throat is the same pain your sister in law is feeling tonight. The restlessness you feel is what your nephew feels every night. Fear to enter dreams and uncomfortable in his own skin. The pain in your back and the aches spread through your body are what your mother in law feels so many times without warning. How do you feel?"
"Lord," I said, " I don't want any of this. Please let me feel better."
He asked again, "David, how do you feel?"
I said, " I feel like shit! This sucks!"
He said, "Next time you feel like holding your faith over someone for not believing like you do, I want you to remember how they feel. I want you to understand how hard it is to believe in Me as the healer when the pain is so very real. I want you to sympathize with their disbelief in me as the provider when they are completely broke and have bill collectors calling every night. I want you to remember how it feels to have someone telling you that Jesus loves you when you hate the sight of who is in the mirror. David, I want you to show the same degree of compassion to others as I have shown you. Have you really forgotten were you came from? Who you were? Remember that you were once the sickly one, the spendthrift and the self condemned. I don't need your help changing anyone else, I just need you to share the same compassion, mercy and grace with everyone that you come across as I have shown you. Please love everyone as you love yourself."

I kid you not, as soon as He was done speaking, an amazing amount of "waste" exited my body. I know this sounds gross, but it was very symbolic. It's like all this shit I have had stuck in me was just released. I began to think of people who I have been cruel with lately and just began to repent. It's the worst thing in the world to have your father sit you down and call you out. But at the same time it feels so good to have him wrap his arms around you and just say, "Hey, it's cool." Suddenly the pain in my back was gone. My throat had eased up and I didn't feel a quarter as bad as I did. It happened so fast. I suddenly understood what He meant when He said, "I asked your spirit to step aside..." He didn't make me sick, but he used the opportunity to remind me what faith in the flesh feels like. He used the opportunity to remind me where I am. Truth is, when I laid down in my bed, I still felt the symptoms. But I knew they were fading away. I knew that the weakness in my flesh was decreasing away and that his strength in my spirit was increasing. Throughout the night I could feel my body repairing itself.

Today. Right now. I am not as compassionate as I should be. It's gonna take some time. My rule of life has some how become, "If you ain't on my level, that's your problem." I am realizing today that it truly is a hard lesson to learn to love others. To accept them just as they are. But I serve a God who is compassionate with me even when I show none. A God who is merciful, even when I show none. A God who is forgiving even when I refuse to forgive others. It sucks, somewhere along my way I became self-righteous.

The 16 year old me would be so disappointed!

I'm Always Right

I don't know what it is. But I have this thing about me.
My wife would tell you it's the Aquarius in me.
My experience with life would tell you it's the human in me.
Either way, it's something I always HAVE to be.
It's something that is always trying to be robbed.
But I defend it.
I always have.
I always will.
Even unto death.

RIGHT.

It's not something I was given or even something that I earned.
I have murdered for it.
There are relationships that I have discontinued because of it.
There are people that have cried when I took it from them.
There are many who laugh and mock when I show it to them.
But they quickly stop when I use it to expose them.

RIGHT.

It's the way I was raised.
And I study hard to make sure I always have it.
Even if that means studying the person so I can lie to them to make them think I have it.

Yet; as of late, I have discovered that some people think they have it.
I call it fake.
But they still feel as though they have it.
And though I have nothing to prove. They like to call me out.
They like to dangle theirs in front of me and pass it off as the real deal.
Knowing that I have it, I usually turn my cheek and laugh at it.

Today though. Today I watched a missile fall into my camp.
There is now a small army who claim to have it.
And since they are all equally small in mind, they have decided to challenge me.
At first I shrugged it off.
But they have sent more missiles. Aimed straight for it.

RIGHT.

I normally wouldn't care from this particular army.
They are so ignorant that ignoring them usually does the trick.
But it's just getting plain annoying.

So, I hate to waste efforts, but for fun. Let me show why I am....

__________

Dear Concerned Followers Of Christ:

Hello to you as well.

Everything is fine here. I truly am enjoying the fruits of His labor.
I laugh when I hear people twist the scripture, "To live is Christ" into
into some sort of excuse to suffer in life. Allow me to elaborate as
I have seen even you twist this scripture as well.
In context, it reads as follows:

Philippians 1:18b-22: "Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through
your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened
to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no
way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ
will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ
and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me."

When he refers to his "life" as in living and being alive in this earthly realm, he connects
it Christ with words like; Deliverance, Unashamed, Sufficient Courage, Exalted and
Fruitful.

There is much to dissect in what the role of Christ on earth means in regards to his death
and resurrection. But for the sake of this letter, let’s just stick to what Paul said here in this
particular scripture.

Now, I know you like to read script such as, "For your sake we face death all day long"
and "Pick up your cross and follow me", and then somehow twist that to mean that we
must suffer for Christ while we live on earth. But let me remind you. Christ came to suffer for us!
He became the curse. The whole point was for it to be His work, not ours. (Ref: Ephesians 2:8)
As soon as you feel like you are a part of any of this world or life, please slap yourself. You have
nothing to do with righteousness. And there is nothing you can do to help it along.

So, Paul listed that to LIVE is Christ. And so, what does that entail. Here is my ignorance
taking it from the context in which he wrote the letter.

1.) Deliverance: Defined at Dictionary.com as "Rescue from bondage or danger." while
being synonym'd to words like Liberation or Freedom. Wow. What a great word to define
Life. Christ and His work encompass all these things. Deliverance from the conviction and
judgment of death that was on us. Liberation from the hands of death that gripped us.
Freedom to live rich. Not necessarily in wealth. But literally rich (more coming, read on).
So to Live is Deliverance. Sounds good. No suffering involved there. No work to attain it.
Deliverance comes for free. And it can only be appointed by authority. And it has been done.

2.) Unashamed: Now, the script here actually specifically says, "I will in no way be ashamed...".
But for the sake of the letter, allow me to shrink the phrase to just the word. What does that
word mean exactly. Well, referencing the dictionary, unashamed is defined; Feeling
or showing no remorse, shame, or embarrassment. Where to start? That IS the life! Walking,
living, doing, being; Unashamed, everyday. Not feeling shame for what you do, what you believe,
how you do or how you believe. It's all covered.

3.) Sufficient Courage: Unbelievably stated if I don't say so myself! In life... every day, we need
courage. It's a reality. Everyone is facing something different in their life every day. It doesn't
take optimism to face the day, it takes courage. And THAT is the difference! People ask me all the
time, "How do you have such a great outlook on life, you're so optimistic!" My true friends will
be the first to tell you, I am the greatest of pessimists! An ass’s hole and a jerk. But I get through
life with a smile that comes from my courage. Not cocky courage. Not a courage that says, "I can
be brave all by myself!" What did Aaron Weiss entitle that song? - I NEVER SAID I WAS BRAVE.
Sufficient courage. Enough of what I need for today. Enough of what I need for each situation I
will face today.

4.) Exalted: Paul specifically writes, "...as always, Christ will be exalted in my body." Stealing
from another letter, I quote Paul saying, "I must decrease so he may increase." I see Paul trying
to call the gods of He-Man. Here we are, this wimpy flesh being, but when we live under the blood,
Christ is exalted. And as he is exalted in us, everything He is, becomes exalted in us. Yes, the patience
and love combined with the mind and words to chop down the prideful. The faith in God the father to
slay any demon and overcome any foe with the power of the tongue. The balance to carry the heavy
load of God's call while being able to BE the human you have to be here on earth every day. To live
as Christ is to live in humility, prosperity, health, grace and righteousness. What else exactly do
we need?

5.) Fruitful: Paul is in prison on trial here. There is a possible death sentence to be handed in
his direction. This why he is taking this Life/Death approach in this letter. Note his sufficient
courage to view life in a positive way. So here he is saying, "If I die, I win. If I live?..." In
life under Christ our labor will be fruitful. That doesn't mean it will smell good. It means, whatever
we plant, we will reap in abundance. Fruitful by definition means conducive to an abundant yield and/or
abundantly productive. So Paul is saying, Living in Christ will lead to my labor bringing in abundant
yield and being abundantly productive. Everything we put our hands to will not only be productive, but
will bring something back. And not just regular amounts. Note the word ABUNDANT! You don't use the
word fruitful when talking about bad things. "Oh, my worry has brought a fruitful amount of stress
in my life!' --- "My bills and debt have been mighty fruitful this week." No, no, the word fruitful
is used when we are taking about good things. And I can speak first hand to say that when God is
your priority and you are living in Christ, things begin to multiply. The pay raise comes, the extra
cash slips in. The opportunities to save money present themselves. Even when you go out to drink with
your buddies or to the casino's to play, the free drinks come your way and the slots decide to pay.
Maybe this sounds heretical to you. But if I am wrong, I don't want to be right.

Imagine if we were fully living up to the potential that Paul was speaking about in this scripture!
Fully living in deliverance, without shame and facing everyday with sufficient courage. Letting Christ
be exalted in our lives so we can truly live a fruitful life in everything we put our hand to.

Imagine if we stopped shaming the work of Christ by assuming that Living in Christ somehow carries
the weight of sorrow, damnation and travesty.

Imagine if we actually believed that he became poor so that we could be rich, became the curse so
that we could be blessed. Believed that he actually bore our sickness, infirmity, shame and conviction
so that we could live in health, in strength and in freedom.

Imagine if Living wasn't such a bad thing.

I'm just sayin....
I know I'm....

Lyric

***VOTE?***

Working, Eating, Living

And when the sunlight finally kissed your eyes, was it worth it?

Cos all this talk talk talk about gettin paid
And mad at John cos he spent it all on gettin laid
Did not we all agree to work the day for our fair share?
But you've been treadin on the mill for an hour more
So it's your call from the lord to settle up the score
Does not it drive you wild that none of us really seems to care?

And when the sunlight finally kissed your eyes, was it worth it?
Wasted days and nights and we all end up the same.
What a shame, can you swallow?
I heard somewhere the truth can set you free

Cos on and on I hear you breath another heavy load
About your trial and how they never let you keep the gold
I'm not the one to blame because you didn't read the terms
We're on the same fuckin train but you've been on your knees
We're eating steak but your content with cracker's topped with cheese
We're pulling home now answer this, "Did you enjoy the ride?"

My Oh My how you've wasted your life
Waiting for the saviour to set you free
And when He came He let you down
He said, "I already did that, this time they die"

And when the sunlight finally kissed your eyes, was it worth it?
A whole life of WHoliness, drowned by the wine of the sinners vine.
What a shame, can you swallow?
See you when I get there